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Smile, like you've got nothing to prove.
Happy Three Years.
I love you. so very much.
thank you for the best day I've had in a long time.
God knows I needed it.
I love you. so very much.
thank you for the best day I've had in a long time.
God knows I needed it.
Current Mood: 
happy
happy27 May 2009 @ 11:51 pm
A fellow coworker inspired me to create one of my own.
1. Rent an RV and drive to the Grand Canyon
2. Hike Ithica Gorges
3. Pay off my student loan
4. Spend a couple days in Niagara Falls with my boyfriend
5. Successfully complete my Spanish class
6. Start to love working at Abercrombie again
7. Do something nice for my grandma
8. Spend more time with my brothers
9. Go camping
10. Make a decision about going to Africa
11. Enjoy the DMB concert
12. Smoke a cigar and not get sick
13. Have Nick teach me to drive his motorcycle
14. Volunteer more at Make-A-Wish
15. Be happy
1. Rent an RV and drive to the Grand Canyon
2. Hike Ithica Gorges
3. Pay off my student loan
4. Spend a couple days in Niagara Falls with my boyfriend
5. Successfully complete my Spanish class
6. Start to love working at Abercrombie again
7. Do something nice for my grandma
8. Spend more time with my brothers
9. Go camping
10. Make a decision about going to Africa
11. Enjoy the DMB concert
12. Smoke a cigar and not get sick
13. Have Nick teach me to drive his motorcycle
14. Volunteer more at Make-A-Wish
15. Be happy
Current Mood: 
drained
drainedCurrent Distraction: Kelly Clarkson (wtf is wrong with me)
For a longgg time I've been searching for a song to describe how much you mean to me, and I think I finally found out
hospitalized for pneumonia..
April Fools? .. please?
I need you to get better soon... <3<3<3
I guess this is a change from my normal entry..No song lyric or video to describe how I'm feeling better than I can. This time I can actually say it.
I'm so mad at my mom. For six months I planned on moving. "Can I get you more boxes?", "You're not doing me any favors by staying here as long as you are", "Do you want Dad to help you take stuff over?"
Never once did I get "Please stay", "I love you", "I'll really miss you if you leave Bella".
Why now? Why now that I'm finally happy and I feel free do you need a rain on my parade?
Why now that I'm gone do I finally feel like you love me? How come since I've left everything is okay with the family? Why do you now tell me you miss me and you love me and you wanted me to stay?
I've finally developed my idea of who I am and I'm finally feeling independent.. I'm feeling like I'll be okay on my own. I can do things for myself for once.. like laundry and dishes.. and pay the cable bill. I don't want that taken away from me.
He laughs about how much I was sheltered growing up.. and I finally feel like hes proud of me, like he doesn't feel like he is a babysitter. I finally feel equal.
I'm adjusted, the cats are adjusted..you just need to be okay with it. Be okay with the fact that I'm not a little girl anymore.. and I don't need my mommy when I'm sick or tired or miserable.. not like I did before.
Neither of you ever acted like you were going to be upset when I was gone.. you didn't like me around much when I lived home. And I wasn't around much.. due to the fact that I have to work two jobs because of this situation you threw me into. Thats what not fair.
It's not fair that I had to leave under the circumstances that I did. Its not fair that you promised me one thing and then did something completely different. It wrong to take advantage of your DAUGHTER. If I could have .. I would have left earlier.
This will be good for our relationship.. as long as you pick up the phone and tell her you're sorry. She is helping me, and I'm sorry if thats hurting you.. but its the best thing for me. If you want me in your life, you need to be in hers.
I guess thats life.. people hurt other people becasue they were hurt first. Doesn't matter who is at fault.. all that matters to you right now is revenge and I'm not going to be stuck in the middle.
So play your cards however you want, but I'm not going to be there unless you fold.
I'm so mad at my mom. For six months I planned on moving. "Can I get you more boxes?", "You're not doing me any favors by staying here as long as you are", "Do you want Dad to help you take stuff over?"
Never once did I get "Please stay", "I love you", "I'll really miss you if you leave Bella".
Why now? Why now that I'm finally happy and I feel free do you need a rain on my parade?
Why now that I'm gone do I finally feel like you love me? How come since I've left everything is okay with the family? Why do you now tell me you miss me and you love me and you wanted me to stay?
I've finally developed my idea of who I am and I'm finally feeling independent.. I'm feeling like I'll be okay on my own. I can do things for myself for once.. like laundry and dishes.. and pay the cable bill. I don't want that taken away from me.
He laughs about how much I was sheltered growing up.. and I finally feel like hes proud of me, like he doesn't feel like he is a babysitter. I finally feel equal.
I'm adjusted, the cats are adjusted..you just need to be okay with it. Be okay with the fact that I'm not a little girl anymore.. and I don't need my mommy when I'm sick or tired or miserable.. not like I did before.
Neither of you ever acted like you were going to be upset when I was gone.. you didn't like me around much when I lived home. And I wasn't around much.. due to the fact that I have to work two jobs because of this situation you threw me into. Thats what not fair.
It's not fair that I had to leave under the circumstances that I did. Its not fair that you promised me one thing and then did something completely different. It wrong to take advantage of your DAUGHTER. If I could have .. I would have left earlier.
This will be good for our relationship.. as long as you pick up the phone and tell her you're sorry. She is helping me, and I'm sorry if thats hurting you.. but its the best thing for me. If you want me in your life, you need to be in hers.
I guess thats life.. people hurt other people becasue they were hurt first. Doesn't matter who is at fault.. all that matters to you right now is revenge and I'm not going to be stuck in the middle.
So play your cards however you want, but I'm not going to be there unless you fold.
Current Mood: 
thoughtful
thoughtfulCurrent Distraction: Lifehouse - Broken
31 March 2009 @ 01:03 pm
The message in this video really pisses me off..
Current Mood: 
surprised
surprisedCurrent Distraction: Billy Joel - Uptown Girl
Somehow, you've managed to get under my skin
More than anyone ever did
And if every hole makes a scar
And every scar marks its place
Then I will never live freely without your trace
And it'll never be fair
I wrote my songs for you and you never even cared
So I'll forget you, I'll wash your t-shirt
Kill the pillow and cut you out of pictures
Wait, please don't go
I won't stay
All these words on replay
I'm okay, it's alright
Good to know that you're fine
Pretending everything is right
To make it better
I'll hide my make-up smeared eyes
To show you that Im fine.
23 March 2009 @ 10:28 pm
I guess I can't believe you really came
And that we're sitting on this pier
See, I'm smiling
That means I'm happy that you're here
I stole this sweater from a costume shop
It makes me look like Daisy Mae
See, we're laughing
I think we're gonna be okay
I mean, we'll have to try a little harder
And bend things to and fro
To make this love as special
As it was five years ago
I mean, you made it to Ohio!
Who knows where else we can go
I think you're really gonna like this show
I'm pretty sure it doesn't suck
See, you're laughing and I'm smiling
By a river in Ohio
And you're mine
We're doing fine
I think we both can see what could be better
I'll own when I was wrong
With all we've had to go through
We'll end up twice as strong
And so we'll start again this weekend
And just keep rolling along
I didn't know you had to go so soon
I thought we had a little time
Look, whatever, if you have to
Then you have to, so whatever
It's all right
We'll have tonight
......................
I swear to God I'll never understand
How you can stand there straight and tall
And see I'm crying
And not do anything at all
And that we're sitting on this pier
See, I'm smiling
That means I'm happy that you're here
I stole this sweater from a costume shop
It makes me look like Daisy Mae
See, we're laughing
I think we're gonna be okay
I mean, we'll have to try a little harder
And bend things to and fro
To make this love as special
As it was five years ago
I mean, you made it to Ohio!
Who knows where else we can go
I think you're really gonna like this show
I'm pretty sure it doesn't suck
See, you're laughing and I'm smiling
By a river in Ohio
And you're mine
We're doing fine
I think we both can see what could be better
I'll own when I was wrong
With all we've had to go through
We'll end up twice as strong
And so we'll start again this weekend
And just keep rolling along
I didn't know you had to go so soon
I thought we had a little time
Look, whatever, if you have to
Then you have to, so whatever
It's all right
We'll have tonight
......................
I swear to God I'll never understand
How you can stand there straight and tall
And see I'm crying
And not do anything at all
I need to feel like I matter again.
and I thought I was doing so well..
Sorry if I'm making things worse.
and I thought I was doing so well..
Sorry if I'm making things worse.
All I'm asking for is a little effort.
Thats it.
I'm sorry if I'm asking to much..
Current Mood: 
crushed
crushedCurrent Distraction: Regina Spektor - Us
And I never thought this life was possible
You're the yellow bird that I've been waiting for
Moved about 40% of my stuff today.. no tears..
I just miss my babies,
I can't wait to get them home.
Dear Mom,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm not moving out because I hate you.
Oh wait, thats a lie.
Love,
Nicole.
ps. thank you for caring more about me taking Ginger then me actually leaving.
"A girl calls and asks, "Does it hurt very much to die?"
Well, sweetheart, I tell her, yes, but it hurts a lot more to keep living."
- Chuck Palahniuk.
Well, sweetheart, I tell her, yes, but it hurts a lot more to keep living."
- Chuck Palahniuk.
getting ready to move. getting excited.
I pray this is a step in the right direction.
Current Mood: 
nervous
nervousCurrent Distraction: The O.C.