Everybody that I've ever really connected with, that's truly been a friend, is gone from my life now. And even the ones that are still around, they're gone, they're not those people anymore, and I don't know how to deal with that. Even when I'm around people, I feel lonely. I know that there are so many people in this world who don't have true friends, but are they ever really happy? I don't know. I guess I should be able to be happy with just myself, but those people brought me so much joy.
And I was so excited to leave this place where I have nothing anymore, to start fresh and enter the next phase of my life, but shit fell through, and now I'm stuck here in this in between spot of uselessness, and I'm either unable or unwilling to find any good in it. I try to do things that are good for me, and things that make me happy, but it's not enough. I desperately need to move on, or I feel like I'll be stuck forever.
I'd give anything to have a friend to love again, but around most girls I feel like I'm being judged, and around most guys, well I feel their only incentive for spending time with me is to get a chance to get laid.
Anyways, I've got to figure something out. If my back up plan for North Carolina falls through, I was thinking about maybe Ohio. As much as I can't stand pretty much everyone I know up there, it is a beautiful place and my family's there, and it does have more opportunity for the things I'd like to do than Fort Myers does, although not nearly as much as Asheville. Besides, doesn't anywhere have more opportunity than Fort Myers? And I'm not sure about residency requirements, but maybe since I was born there, I can qualify for financial aide without waiting a year.
Who knows, I just know I've got to do something, and soon, or my head will fucking explode.

I guess I'm stuck here after all...